Do You Have A Father Wound?
Do you have a father wound? Many of us do. Perhaps your father was verbally, emotionally or even physically abusive to you and/or your mom. Maybe he was an adulterer or abused drugs and alcohol. Maybe he sexually molested you. Maybe he abandoned you and your family. Maybe he was a workaholic and never there when you needed him. Maybe he was a perfectionist, and did not give you the unconditional love each child wants, needs and deserves from their parents.
Even if your dad was great for the most part, you may still be wounded by something he did or did not do. Sometimes we can share our feelings of sadness, anger and disappointment with our dads and receive healing when he apologizes and tries to make his mistake right with us. Unfortunately, this option is not available to most of us. Perhaps he has died, or you have lost touch with him and have no idea where he is. If we are still in relationship with him, we are often too afraid to talk with him about the things that he may have done that wounded us.
If this is your story, how has your father’s dysfunction affected you? Perhaps you have chosen a mate who has a similar character flaw. Perhaps you have a low self-esteem. Perhaps you struggle to accept yourself and others. Are you destined to carry these wounds for the rest of your life? I truly hope not.
One way we can be free of these wounds is to learn to forgive the people who have hurt us. I know this sounds crazy, but it really does work. Check out my last blog where I outline the steps to forgiving others that I learned in my healing prayer class.
Besides teaching us these steps to forgiving others, the teachers of this class also gave us a powerful gift. An older gentleman gave us a Father’s Blessing. There wasn’t a dry eye in the room as this godly, loving man stood in the place of our fathers and blessed us. Through him, and with God’s power, the Lord moved in my heart to heal the wounds caused by my absent birth father and abusive step-father. This blessing can be found at this link. Christian Healing Ministries recommends you find a trained prayer minister, pastor or priest to stand in the place of your earthy father to offer you a loving hug and any words of affirmation the Lord might want to speak to you. The following prayer can serve as an example, and they recommend the person giving the blessing be sensitive to the Holy Spirit’s leading when sharing it. Even if you cannot find someone to speak this to you, and you just read it, it can still bless you. Here it is:
A father’s role is to protect, to provide, to bless, and to establish his children’s identity.
Maybe your father did that for you, maybe he didn’t.
Perhaps he abandoned you or abused you: sexually, physically, verbally, or emotionally.
Maybe he died before you were ready, or left you for some other reason.
Maybe he made you his pet, delighting in you so much that you haven’t been able to break away to be your own person.
Perhaps he was distant, removed and showed no interest in you, or he terrified you with his anger and rage.
Perhaps he made you the scapegoat for all his troubles, so that you suffered for things other people did to him.
Perhaps he blamed you for things that were not your fault at all.
Maybe he worked too much or played too hard and never spent time with you, missed your ball games, your dance recitals, and your spelling bees.
Maybe he spent too much time with you, forcing you to become the athlete or student or doctor or lawyer you never wanted to be.
Perhaps he left you in the care of hurtful, dangerous people. Maybe he didn’t see or believe you when you went to him for help.
Perhaps he was just too preoccupied with himself to see anything you wanted or needed then. I really don’t know.
If you are willing to hear the words of a broken father speaking to you, please close your eyes for a few minutes.
I realize I am not your father, but please allow me to stand in for him, and in the place of your father, who may or may not have said any of these things. Please allow yourself to hear these words:
I ask your Heavenly Father to richly bless you in all the places I failed to bless you.
I ask the Lord Jesus Christ by the power of His cross and blood to set you free now from any harsh or cruel words that I said… especially the ones you keep remembering over and over. I am so sorry.
I ask the Lord to set you free from heart injuries you sustained from me or from others in whose care I placed you. I ask the Holy Spirit to set you free from heartache, disappointments, dreads, grief, or rage you cannot resolve.
And I’m so sorry for any other struggles I may have caused you. May you be healed from being ignored by me, or overindulged by me.
If I ever made you feel less than or not good enough am deeply sorry and ask you to please forgive me. May the Lord set you free from working so hard to please me when nothing ever would. May the Lord set you free from trying to get from me what I never had to give you. I am so sorry.
May the Lord set you free from blaming me for failing you, not because I need that, but so you can be free to grow, to receive, to achieve, and to be creative in ways you have not yet imagined. May the Lord give you all the things I was unable or unwilling to give you.
May the Lord guide you in ways I never could and grant you peace.
May the Lord free you from the effects of my addictions, my anxieties and my anger.
May the Lord free you from feeling that you have to always be perfect or that you have to be what I expected you to be.
I pray that God will help you to see that the hurt and pain I caused you came from my own childhood. It limited me, and I am so sorry if it has limited you.
I pray that God will remove from you any belief that you were not wanted or loved.
I pray that you have no doubt that you are the gender you are supposed to be.
I pray that the Lord will release you from any unhealthy bond that you may have with me. I want you to keep all of the good that came from me, and give the garbage to God.
My beloved son, my precious daughter—I love you.
I am so proud of you.
I am so glad you were born.
Take flight, my love—soar into the heights of God’s destiny for you. Fly free and live!
Question: Do you have a father wound? How could receiving a father’s blessing help you?
I pray this blessing will help you begin to be free from anything your father did to you, or neglected to do. You are a treasure in God’s eyes.
Bless you all today,