Many of us have had difficult relationships with our moms. Perhaps they were narcissistic, and treated us like a queen one day and like a beggar the next. Perhaps they abused us, or ignored us. Perhaps they did not give us the love and attention every child needs and deserves. What can we do? Do we demand they give us these things now? Do we hate them forever? Neither of these things is helpful. Instead, if we move to a place of forgiveness, this will help us to heal.
Last week, I shared a father’s blessing. Today, I am sharing a mother’s blessing that can help heal our hearts. Sadly, most of our mothers are unable or unwilling to give us this type of blessing. Christian Healing Ministries, the creator of the Mother’s and Father’s blessings, recommends you find a trained prayer minister, pastor or priest to stand in the place of earthly parents to offer a loving hug and any words of affirmation the Lord would like to speak to you. These prayers are intended to serve as an example and they suggest that anyone leading these prayers be sensitive to the direction of the Holy Spirit. Here is the Mother’s blessing:
A mother’s assignment is to nurture, to love, to tend, to treasure, and to teach her children.
Maybe your mother was wonderful, maybe she wasn’t.
Perhaps she abandoned you, or abused you: sexually, physically, verbally, or emotionally.
Maybe she died before you were ready, or left you for some other reason.
Maybe she made you her idol, delighting in you so much that you haven’t been able to break away to be your own person.
Perhaps she made you the scapegoat for all her troubles, so that you suffered for things other people did to her which frightened, hurt, or angered her.
Maybe she came between you and your father, or continually forced you to choose sides. Maybe she placed you between herself and her husband; maybe she didn’t protect you from him.
Perhaps she blamed you for things that were not your fault at all.
Maybe she insisted that you “mother” her instead of her “mothering” you. And maybe you felt important about that and did not realize you were becoming trapped and overwhelmed, and since then you have been running on empty, not knowing what you need or want.
Perhaps she left you in the care of hurtful, dangerous people. Maybe she didn’t see or believe you when you went to her for help. Perhaps she was just too busy to see anything you wanted or needed then. I really don’t know.
If you are willing to hear the words of a wounded mother speaking to you, please close your eyes for a few minutes.
I realize I am not your mother, but please allow me to stand in for her and in the place of your mother, who may or may not have said any of these things, please allow yourself to hear these words:
My dear child, I know that the Scriptures command you to honor me; I want you to know that you will honor me best by becoming and being all the Lord intends you to be. I ask the Lord to richly bless you.
I ask the Lord Jesus Christ by the power of His cross and blood to set you free now from any harsh or cruel words that I said, especially the ones you keep remembering over and over. I am so sorry.
I ask the Lord to set you free from heart injuries you sustained from me or from others in whose care I placed you. I ask the Holy Spirit to set you free from heartache, disappointments, dread, grief, or rage you cannot resolve.
I’m so sorry for any other struggles I may have caused you. May you be healed from being ignored by me or smothered by me.
If I ever made you feel less than or not good enough, I am deeply sorry and ask you to please forgive me. May the Lord set you free from working so hard to please me when nothing ever would. May the Lord set you free from trying to get from me what I never had to give you. I am so sorry.
May the Lord set you free from blaming me for failing you, not because I need that, but so you can be free to grow, to receive, to achieve, and to be creative in ways you have not yet imagined. May the Lord give you all the things I was unable or unwilling to give you.
May the Lord guide you in ways I never could and grant you peace. May the Lord free you from any of my grief, fear, terror, anger, dread, and expectations you are still trying to live up to.
May the Lord free you from feeling that you have to always be perfect or that you have to be what I expected you to be.
I pray that God will help you to see that the hurt and pain I caused you came from my own childhood. It limited me, and I am so sorry if it has limited you.
I pray that God will remove from you any belief that you were not wanted or loved.
I pray that you have no doubt that you are the gender you are supposed to be.
Please forgive me for not nurturing you. I pray that the Lord will release you from any unhealthy bond that you may have with me. I want you to keep all of the good that came from me, and give the rest to God.
My beloved son, my precious daughter—I love you.
I am so proud of you.
I am so glad you were born.
Be released now to be the person that God created you to be. Be free, my love, and live!
When a sweet older lady read this to our class, I sobbed. Somehow it healed something inside of me. I pray you will find healing through this as well.
Question: How do you think you would feel if your own mother said these words to you, (and meant them)?
May the Lord bless you and keep you.