Last week was awful. For the third year in a row, I sunk into a deep depression in winter. Yes, I do think this is partly due to S.A.D., otherwise known as Seasonal Affected Disorder. It is February after all. I’ve been sitting in the house, attached to my computer (and I’ll be real, the TV set), for a couple of months. But, I can’t blame this depression on only S.A.D. I have let a family member walk all over me for far too long. My yearly February depression was the catalyst for me to realize I’d had ENOUGH of it.
I was taught to be passive as a child growing up with domestic violence. This was reinforced in my first marriage to an emotional abuser. Even though I’ve made huge strides healing from my abuse, this passivity still follows me around. I let this family member treat me badly for over a year, and I had decided just to accept it. Finally last week I decided, Heck NO! In my next blog, I’ll let you know what I did about it.
My question to you is, do you ever get depressed? If so, do you know what causes it?
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I’m depressed all the time. I have PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and depression. I am a survivor of over 20 years of abuse that started when I was about 5. During my early years I was repeatedly raped by two step brothers. The younger of the two tortured me as well. I was hung upside down by me ankles and my head was submerged under water. That was just one of the things he did. I didn’t learn to swim till I was 35 years old. I was suicidal by my mid-teens. Bullied through school because I was (different) But I guess most people who go through what I went through would be (different). Later on I met a man at the age of 20. He was an ex-boxer. He was a total gentleman for about the first few months then began to beat me. 8 years and 2 children later I finally got up enough courage to leave him. I have partial vision in my left eye, I have a scar above my lip from a baseball bat, and a scar on my forehead from a rock. Those are just the ones you can see. I carry many scars inside. I am now 45 years old. I have come a long way since I began my journey to find myself. I still have a long road ahead of me but I won’t give up! I am no longer the little weak girl I used to be. Now…. I’m standing on my own two feet…
I am so sorry for all you have experienced. I cannot even imagine. I am not surprised you suffer from depression. I’m happy to see you are standing on your own two feet now, and working toward healing. God bless you!