When Men Stand against Domestic Violence

This was posted on the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence’s Facebook Page on June 1, 2012. Here is a link to NCADV’s website and here is a link to their Facebook page. It was written by Stephen McArthur, Montpelier VT, Community Outreach Coordinator & Hotline Advocate (


(Inspired by Martin Niemoller’s “When they came for me…”)

First, he began to tell her what to wear, and I did nothing because,

obviously, he cares what she looks like.


Then, he came home from a bad day at work and told her the house looked like crap and said she was a pig, and I did nothing because it is his house, isn’t it?


Then, he started calling her bitch and stupid fat whore when he was angry, and I did nothing because I give money to breast cancer research and wear a pink ribbon;


Then, he warned her not to go anywhere with her bitchy best friend, and I did nothing because he was just trying to protect her;


Then, when she did meet her best friend for lunch, he put his fist through the wall a foot from her head, seething with anger and spittle, and I did nothing because he did tell her not to, didn’t he?


Then, he told her not to go anywhere without him, and I did nothing because it’s not really my business;


Then, when she did, he showed her the gun he bought, and I did nothing because I am active in the peace movement;


Then, when she threatened to call the police, he told her they wouldn’t believe her, and I did nothing because the cops can handle this type of thing;


Then, when she told him she didn’t want to have sex anymore and he forced her, I did nothing because she’s his wife, isn’t she?


And then, when she said she was leaving him, he said he would commit suicide if she did, and I did nothing because it was just an idle threat;


And then when she did leave, he found her and shot her, and I did nothing because it was too late.


And besides, isn’t there some kind of woman’s group that could have dealt with this?

What would happen if the men in our country, our neighborhoods, and most importantly, our churches began to STAND UP and STAND AGAINST abusive behavior when they see it in other men?


Lord, would you please give our men, and all of us strength to stand up and stand against abuse when we see it going on around us? We know that abuse is not your will for our women and children Lord. Please give us your strength to do what is right, even when it is hard and unpopular. Help us to do what Jesus would do. In His name we pray, Amen


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